well, despite those few moments where i thought i was going to die, totaling the car turns out not to be so horrible.

insurance gave me about twice what i was expecting to get, and i bought a sweet 2000 volvo s40. carmax treated me wonderfully--i highly recommend them to anybody in need of a sweet volvo. the pictures are blurry because i took them too late in the day, but i think they adequately illustrate the essence of ingrid.



apparently, this was a fancy-big-deal-of-a-car eight years ago. its features are surprising for a 2000... leather seats, cruise control, a little gauge that calculates seven different things, including my gas mileage, how many miles i have left in the tank, and my average speed. there is even a feature where one can set the car to let out a little warning beep when one goes a certain speed. i set mine for 85. i don't want to go faster than 85, ever.

the only downside is that now, whenever i drive, i have an overwhelming feeling that i'm about to lose control of the car. that goes away, right? right?

i am incredibly blessed. thank you, usaa. thank you, mom and dad. thank you, sweden. thank you, classic-rock-inspired political bumper stickers.

recovering from sadness often means looking for joy and triumph in small things.

i had a phenomenal bowl of strawberries for dessert a few nights ago. every part of that process felt good, from scanning the strawberry boxes at the commissary to the silly anticipation of washing and deleafing to the satisfaction of quietly devouring.

this afternoon, when i was trying to help mom with the dinner roast, i asked her what i should chop up. an onion was the first ingredient, but i told her that i preferred not to cut onions because they make me cry. my mother is fearless, though, and she grabbed it and started slicing.

"why aren't you crying, mom?"

"not all onions make you cry."

"that's what i want to do. i want to find the onions that won't make me cry."

i hope that not all of my triumphs end up being food-related.